Remnants of a broken hourglass

Broken-hourglass

I love  you

And the smell of your skin under the sheets

God knows how much I am willing to trade everything

Just to touch your face for one last time

 

I confess and I won’t play safe

You make me feel so alive

You cut me into pieces and digs me up like no one else

 

As the sands inside the hourglass falls slowly

Though we keep ourselves coated with lie

Your love

among all, is still divine

Not singing halleluiah for now

Reflecting for the past days have been helpful. I was able to answer questions myself since I can’t find it anywhere else. Also, I spent most of the time in Youtube searching for songs that I can connect with. Found a lot and downloaded them all. Now I find myself memorizing the lines and singing them non-stop in the washroom (I am such a concert queen, lol).

There’s a certain song that I had on repeat for a while. Not sure if you are familiar with the song “Delicate” by Damien Rice. The chorus line says, “Why’d you fill my sorrow with the words you borrowed from the only place you know, why’d you sing halleluiah if it means nothing to you, why’d you sing with me at all?”. Sad isn’t it? So I realized, I should not sing halleluiah for anyone at this time. I realized that after five relationships, (all failed, some tried to win me back but I do not give out second chances, I just don’t believe in them, once is enough two is too much) I should give my heart a break. Until when? I do not know, all I know is that I am not ready to date, to fall and love again. Got a lot of friends and great family members to focus on for now. Being single was my choice and being happy would be mine too. I want the next relationship to be the last and I need to be ready for it. My parents named me Joy, basically because I bought them Joy from day one and I was smiling since. A lot has commented that my “joy virus” in fact is contagious and it will always be. But how come I have hurt some people along the way by leaving them? Though I do not want to kill them with my dagger words, still it does not change the fact that I’ve hurt them.

Now I just need to be patient, days maybe long but I must perfect my baby steps until I’m full-grown.

A letter to a masked girl who doesn’t want to be named

Dearest,

From the time you read the title, you know this is for you. Things are so weird when we grow old (I can’t say grow up because I am still small) right? Funny, when I think about it, how we became close and how time healed us, only to learn that life will break and rip our souls again.

I know you are deeply concerned about me, I thank you for that. You have always been one of the firsts to reach out and ask how I am doing. You never fail to check up on me though I forgot your birthday this year (I am deeply sorry for that, it was all my fault, I was so consumed with all sorts of stuff).

Yes dear friend I am not okay, and I do not know until when this agony of mine will end. On the other hand, I see that broken hearts such as mine opens up our deepest thoughts and we see life in a different point of view. For example, when we live in a city, all we see are cars, people walking fast, dark grayed houses and the like. If we go to a higher place, we see the city in a bigger perspective. Aside from cars, people and houses we notice the blue horizon, the beautiful sunset, the birds flying, we feel the wind on our face and the warmth of the sun against our skin. This leads to a magical feeling of self journey and history is at its full-blown present time.

Last thing I would like to do is spoil your happy time, I know you are so happy. In fact I have never seen you so perked up. Your joy and the love of your life, keep it. Time as always never stops and it will heal me up.

One day, we should meet again, walk over to the foot bridge near Mcdo, with a Red Horse Beer in hand and Chasing Cars in our ears.

Love, Joys

***

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?