Not singing halleluiah for now

Reflecting for the past days have been helpful. I was able to answer questions myself since I can’t find it anywhere else. Also, I spent most of the time in Youtube searching for songs that I can connect with. Found a lot and downloaded them all. Now I find myself memorizing the lines and singing them non-stop in the washroom (I am such a concert queen, lol).

There’s a certain song that I had on repeat for a while. Not sure if you are familiar with the song “Delicate” by Damien Rice. The chorus line says, “Why’d you fill my sorrow with the words you borrowed from the only place you know, why’d you sing halleluiah if it means nothing to you, why’d you sing with me at all?”. Sad isn’t it? So I realized, I should not sing halleluiah for anyone at this time. I realized that after five relationships, (all failed, some tried to win me back but I do not give out second chances, I just don’t believe in them, once is enough two is too much) I should give my heart a break. Until when? I do not know, all I know is that I am not ready to date, to fall and love again. Got a lot of friends and great family members to focus on for now. Being single was my choice and being happy would be mine too. I want the next relationship to be the last and I need to be ready for it. My parents named me Joy, basically because I bought them Joy from day one and I was smiling since. A lot has commented that my “joy virus” in fact is contagious and it will always be. But how come I have hurt some people along the way by leaving them? Though I do not want to kill them with my dagger words, still it does not change the fact that I’ve hurt them.

Now I just need to be patient, days maybe long but I must perfect my baby steps until I’m full-grown.

Girl on Fire, Ms. Joyce Anne Ison ♥

*** The last photo with Joyce Anne Ison ***

For a moment I do not know what to write, all I know is we will miss you badly, we are missing you badly and you haven’t left the country yet. My mind is telling me to just simply make a video to let my feelings out but I can’t speak. One word and I’ll start crying. I want to hug you for a long time earlier but it will make things worse, tears rolled down my cheeks after we said I love you and take care. I questioned “Why of all people, you are the one who needs to leave?”, then again, I know you wanted it badly and you have waited for this for the longest time.

I will miss you and our stories over coffee

I will miss you and our super-duper wacky faces

I will miss you and our colorful outfits

I will miss you and our bending moments

I will miss you TWIN SISTER!

To the Girl on Fire, remember to keep ’em burning. You have to sing If I Ain’t Got You on my wedding day. Promise to take care of the girls, we are just a skype, sms, tweet and an IG away. Love you forever!