Cheers to the night when I can’t sleep and you were available. You seem to know how to communicate to me in a quiet way like no one can do. To the realizations of 2013 and that life will never be the same each passing day. I sip the night away and you were okay with that. Not like the others who wanted and expected more from me. It’s okay to be melancholic around you, or happy, or crazy, or naked. You didn’t care and accepted me for who I am. My sweet cup of coffee… stay with me. Looking forward to more nights and realizations in between. Keep your silence, for my world crumbles up with thoughts that I can’t seem to control at times. I promise to keep this type of relationship with you. 🙂
Normally, during work days, I would go straight to my Grandma’s house because it’s nearer compared to my parents’. Today, I found myself traveling home at 1am in the morning to my parents’ crib just to feel my bed. My bed, as in my real own bed. I do not complain that much about life because I know God would not give me challenges that I can’t handle. This week is just different from the rest. It makes me sad that my spirit is dwindling.
After an hour of commuting, instead of taking a trike at past 2 in the morning, I walked. A breather is what I need. The lights that reflected on the pavement and the silence of the road feels closer to home. However, it’s a no-no to walk alone (knowing also that I am a lady) though I feel walking on ‘safe ground’ since it’s my hometown. Talk about abusing my freedom 😦 what I did was risky.
Now I am in the comfort of my bedroom. A small yellow lamp beside me and a blowing electric fan keeps me company, but my mind is still all over the place. Maybe, I am in a mid life crisis.
“The Silent Killer”
The most painful goodbye for me are the quiet ones where no words were whispered. You were just left hanging on air. You keep on guessing why and how it came to a point where silence meant “the end”. Compare it with a resounding goodbye. At least you have something to remember that yes, the other person left for good. Because the word goodbye came out of their lips, travelled in the air, passed through your ears, processed in your brains and hit your heart straight to the core.
So if you want to leave someone, tell them, let them hear it. Be brutal if you must even once in your life though you don’t want to. It will hurt like all the broken promises but better than to keep them guessing right? Remember, not all people are mind readers, give them the freedom they deserve. Do not worry for they will heal no matter what happens.
I doodle a lot. It does not matter where, these are my thoughts running and I want to catch them like colorful butterflies and keep them in a jar. If you have anything to share or have any questions in mind, please feel free to comment. Thank you ♥
There she is sitting pretty in her book
The book that I gave her
How can she glow when I am so broken?
My shattered heart cannot take it
But the world still pulls me in her direction
My feet walked towards her
I do not know what to say
She looked up
Her eyes so brown and deep
“How can you leave me like this?”
I asked in silence
Heaven does not hear my woes
No answer, just plain quietness
I am so mad
Mad at things but not at her
How can I hate such a beautiful creature?
She, who stole my heart away
But then decided to break it anyway
She was the star that I used to know
The star that I can never have, again